“Dreams” -By Akira Kurosawa

Yume (1990) AKA Akira Kurosawa's Dreams

Akira Kurosawa's Dreams

The past, present, and future. The thoughts and images of one man... for all men. One man's dreams... for every dreamer.

A collection of tales based upon the actual dreams of director Akira Kurosawa.

Sunshine Through The Rain

There is an old legend in Japan that states that when the sun is shining through the rain, the "Kitsune" foxes have their weddings. In this first dream, a boy defies the wish of a woman, possibly his mother, to remain at home during a day with such weather. From behind a large tree in the nearby forest, he is witness to the slow wedding procession of the kitsune. Unfortunately, he is spotted by the foxes and runs. When he tries to return home, the same woman says that a fox had come by the house, leaving behind a short sword. The woman says that it is meant for the boy to commit suicide because the foxes are angry at the unwanted observer. The woman asks the boy to go and beg forgiveness from the foxes, although they are known to be unforgiving. So, the boy sets off into the mountains, towards the place under the rainbow in search for the kitsune's home...

The Peach Orchard

Hina Matsuri, the Doll Festival, traditionally takes place in spring when the peach blossoms are in full bloom. The dolls that go on display at this time, they say, are representative of the peach trees and their pink blossoms. One boy's family, however, has chopped down their peach orchard, so the boy feels a sense of loss during this year's festival. After being scolded by his older sister, the boy spots a small girl running out the front door. He follows her to the now-treeless orchard, where, lo and behold, the dolls from his sister's collection have come to life and are standing before him on the slopes of the orchard. The living dolls berate the boy about chopping down the precious trees, but after realizing how much he loved the blossoms, they agree to give him one last glance at the peach trees by way of a slow and beautiful dance to gagaku music.

The Blizzard

A group of mountaineers struggle up a mountain path during a horrendous blizzard, gradually losing each other in the blinding snow and wind and becoming covered by snow. A strange woman (possibly the Yuki-onna of Japanese myth) appears out of nowhere and attempts to lure the last conscious man to his death. After coming to, the men discover that their destination wasn't too far from them at all.

The Tunnel

A Japanese army officer is travelling down a deserted road at dusk, on his way back home from fighting in the war. He comes to a large concrete pedestrian tunnel that seems to go on forever into the darkness. Suddenly, an angry, almost demonic-looking dog runs out of the tunnel and snarls at him, then disappears back into the hole. Slightly rattled, the officer nevertheless proceeds through the tunnel and comes out the other side, but then witnesses something horrific—the yūrei of one of the soldiers (Private Noguchi) whom he had charge over in the war comes out of the tunnel behind him, his face blue with death.

The soldier seems not to believe he's dead, but the officer convinces him and the soldier returns into the darkness of the tunnel. Just when he thinks he's seen the worst, the officer sees his entire third platoon marching out of the tunnel. He tries to tell them they're dead, and expresses his deep-seated guilt about letting them all die in the war. They go back, followed by a second appearance of the hellish dog which was used in the war as an Anti-tank dog. This is one of three "nightmares" featured in the film.

Crows

A brilliantly-colored vignette featuring director Martin Scorsese as Vincent Van Gogh. An art student finds himself inside the vibrant and sometimes chaotic world inside Van Gogh's artwork, where he meets the artist in a field and converses with him. The student loses track of the artist (who is missing an ear and nearing the end of his life) and travels through other works trying to find him. Van Gogh's painting Wheat Field with Crows is an important element in this dream.

Mount Fuji in Red

The film's second nightmare sequence. A large nuclear power plant near Mount Fuji has begun to melt down, painting the sky a horrendous red and sending the millions of Japanese citizens desperately fleeing into the ocean like lemmings. Three adults and two children are left behind on land, but they soon realize that the radiation will kill them anyway.

The Weeping Demon

A man (possibly Kurosawa himself) finds himself wandering around a misty, bleak mountainous terrain. He meets a strange oni-like man, who is actually a mutated human with one horn. The "demon" explains that there had been a nuclear holocaust which resulted in the loss of nature/animals, enormous Dandelions and humans sprouting horns, which caused them so much agony that you can hear them howling during the night. The last of the three "nightmare" sequences. This is actually a post-apocalyptic retelling of a classic Buddhist fable of the same name.

Village of the Watermills

A young man finds himself entering a peaceful, stream-laden village. Every house or building in the village has a watermill built into it. The traveller meets an old, wise man who is fixing a broken watermill wheel. The elder explains that the people of his village decided long ago to forsake the polluting influence of modern technology and return to a happier, cleaner era of society. They have chosen spiritual health over convenience, and the traveller is surprised but intrigued by this notion.

At the end of the sequence (and the film), a funeral procession for an old woman takes place in the village, which instead of mourning, the people celebrate joyfully as the proper end to a good life. This segment was filmed at the Daio Wasabi farm in the Nagano Prefecture.

Village of the Water Mills Pt. 1

Watermill Village Part II

Torrent: here (updated)

(the screens are not from this torrent)

Kandahar

This film is an unblinking glimpse into the hardships of life in Afghanistan, and the difficult odyssey of one woman in particular. Inspired by a true story, "Kandahar" tells the story of Nafas (Nelofer Pazira) an Afghani woman who has been living in Canada and working as a journalist when she recieves a disturbing letter from her sister, who has remained in Afghanistan.

KANDAHAR Written and directed by: Mohsen Makhmalbaf. Cast: Niloufar Pazira, Hassan Tantai, Sadou Teymouri. Related links: Official site

Her sister, who has been maimed by a land mine, writes of the oppressive treatment of women and says that she will commit suicide when the next eclipse happens. With only three days until the eclipse, Nafas attemps to travel to Kandahar, a difficult undertaking in a country where women are forbidden to travel alone and are forced to wear the head-to-toe burkha.

Nafas first travels with an Afghani family, posing as one of the several wives, until bandits leave her abandoned. Then she hires a boy expelled from a Koran school to be her guide, until she becomes sick after drinking tainted water and then meets a black American man working in a small village as a doctor. They travel on and Nafas' journey comes to an end on a somber note.

Makhmalbaf's film extracts a poetic lyricism from the meagerness of the setting. There are many moments of compositional grace, such as when Nafas lifts her burkha and answers an interrogator's questions, with light from the mesh creating a shadow pattern across her face, and when dozens of women in burkhas of various colors move forward in a bridal procession across the desert. There's even surreallism when prosthetic legs for land mine victims at a red cross camp parachute to the ground.

One truly feels for Nafas as she tries to reach her sister and there's also a strong poignancy in the scene depicting the closing of a school for girls, where the last lesson is in avoiding land mines.





Filmed under arduous conditions in a village on the Iran-Afghanistan border, "Kandahar" went on to win the Ecumenical Jury Prize at this year's Cannes Film Festival. For a look at the country at the center of the news that provides far more information than a CNN soundbite, "Kandahar" should be seen.

XXY

Argentina-2007-colour-90 mins
Direction: Lucia Puenzo
Cast: Recardo Darin, Valeria Bertucceli, German Palacios, Carolina Peieritti

Alex is a 15-year old teenager with a heavy secret. Soon after her birth, her parents decide to leave Buenos Aires to make a home out of an isolated wooden house tucked away in the dunes of the Uruguayan shoreline. Then a couple of friends from Buenos Aires come visiting them with their 16-year-old son Alvaro. Alvaro’s father is a plastic surgeon who accepted the invitation because of his medical concern for Alex. The inevitable attraction between both teenagers forces them all to face their worst fears… Rumours are spreading around the town. Alex get stared at as if she were a freak. People’s fascination with her can become dangerous.

Suvarna Chakoram for Best Picture-IFFK 2007(shared with 10+4)
Rajatha Chakoram for best debut film of a director (Lucia Puenzo) - IFFK 2007

NAYI NERALU

(NAYI NERALU) In the Shadow of the Dog
(Kannada-2006-colour-130 mins)
Directed By: Girish Kasaravalli
Music Director: Issac Thomas Kottakapally
Costume Designer: Ananya Kasaravalli (daughter of Girish Kasaravalli)
Cast: Venkatalaxmi (Pavitra Lokesh), Nagamma (Rameshwari Varma), Rajalaxmi (Ananya Kasaravalli), Vishwa (Ashwin Bolar), Achchannaiah (Sringeri Ramanna)

Achchannaih and his wife Nagalaxmi live with their widowed daughter-in-law Venkatalaxmi and grand daughter Rajalaxmi in a traditional society. Achchannaih sets out to discover the truth when the news reaches him that in a distant town his son, who died eighteen years ago, has taken rebirth. He eventually brings the boy home, which alters the lives of all concerned. The old Nagalaxmi, for whom faith is essential, accepts him. The granddaughter, who swears by rationality, views it as a foul play, in fact even as a conspiracy. The widowed Venkatalaxmi, after an initial resistance, sees in the boy an opportunity to fulfill all her thwarted elemental desires and to escape the trauma of widowhood. All the tenets and canons of religious beliefs are used by Nagalaxmi to sustain her faith, while Rajalaxmi, her granddaughter takes recourse to the law and the court. Resisting all these Venkatalaxmi swears by her lived experience. Caught between the grandmother and granddaughter Venkatalaxmi's life becomes a rudderless boat. However, she evolves considerably when she balances her existential self and emotional being. It remains an essential question as to what constitutes the actual truth- whether it is the site of conflict that Rajalaxmi embraces or the mode of negotiations that Venkatalaxmi adopts. The film attempts to capture the inversions of social values held by three different generations.

In fact it is a dog that follows Yudhishtira till the end in the SWARGAROHANA PARVA' of MAHABHARATHA. The title 'In the shadow of the dog' refers to the dog symbolically representing an individual's good deeds and bad acts.

Awards: Best film and best actress award – Karnataka State Film Awards 2006
Jury Awards-Asian Film Festival, New Delhi

Girish Kasaravalli

To aficionados of good cinema, Girish Kasaravalli needs no introduction. As a film maker he has hardly been prolific: a mere eight films in a career of more than 25 years. And yet he is the only director to have the distinction of winning the Swarnakamal or the Golden-lotus award four times. A product of the Film and Television Institute of India, Pune, Kasaravalli's films may lack 'mass appeal' but as serious works that focus on the social and political ethos and the forces that make an individual behave in a particular manner, they are in a class all their own. Rather than telling the story of an individual, his cinematic attempts have been to set the stories of individuals against a larger political and social canvas caught in transition in various points in Indian history. Kasaravalli pens his own scripts, firmly believes in sparse dialogues and plans his films to the minutest detail.

Other films: Ghatashradha (1977), Akramana (1979), Mooru Daarigalu (1981), Tabarana Kathe (1987), Mane (1990), Kraurya (1996), Thai Saheb (1997), Dweepa (2000), Haseena (2005)

Pather Panchali (1955)

The camerawork isn't perfect and the acting is occasionally mediocre, but Satyajit Ray's Pather Panchali is nevertheless a compelling and surprisingly moving tale of a poor family trying to get by. Though Ray made his debut with this movie, his ability behind the camera is unmistakable.

Ray, who also wrote the script, funded the majority of Pather Panchali with his own money and cast his family and friends in pivotal roles. Set in a Bengali village, this uncomplicated story revolves around a family of four - mom Sarbojaya (Karuna Bannerjee), dad Harihar (Kanu Bannerjee), daughter Durga (Uma Das Gupta), and son Apu (Subir Bannerjee). Harihar is a struggling poet/playwright who's barely making ends meet by working odd jobs, while Sarbojaya has her hands full keeping their household running smoothly. Durga and Apu spend the majority of their time playing, though Durga's penchant for petty theft causes friction among their neighbors.

Pather Panchali moves at an incredibly slow pace, but the film never becomes boring - although Ray might've been well advised to cut down the running time (at over two hours, there are a number of sequences that go on longer than necessary). Still, the simplicity with which Ray tells this tale gives it a feeling of universality; by stripping away superfluous elements, we come to really care about this family. It's interesting that the film is known as the first part of Ray's Apu trilogy, as Apu's participation in the story is minimal. The heart of the movie is the relationship between Sarbojaya and Durga, which is - as one might expect - ridden with conflict.

It's clear that Sarbojaya loves her daughter, but intensely disapproves of her rebellious ways. Durga wants to do her own things, while Sarbojaya is more interested in preparing her for a life of domesticity. Ray does a fantastic job of turning these two characters into more than just stereotypes, to the extent that their relationship remains intriguing even when both women are behaving stubbornly. Periphery characters, such as a mean and gossipy lady from the village, are surprisingly well developed and avoid the danger of becoming caricatures.

Ray proves to be a natural filmmaker, and his use of black and white photography (along with cinematographer Subrata Mitra) is often incredibly effective. Ravi Shankar's score perfectly accompanies Ray's images, turning simple shots of dirty ponds and kittens playing into moments of high art. It's in the pacing that the movie finally fails, as Ray's love for his material seems to have prevented him from administering some much-needed editorial adjustments. Still, it's a small complaint for a film that is otherwise so impressive.

Opening sequence of Pather Panchali

The train scene

Rashomon (Japan, 1950)

"The demons living here have fled in the fear of the ferocity of man."

This movie was one of Akira Kurosawa's first to gain widespread recognition and as is characteristic with many of his films, contains an unusual theme which is later mimiced by myriad others. The movie is based on the novel "Yabu no naka (In a Grove)" by Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and presents a tale wherein truth appears to be merely in the eye of the beholder.

Historically speaking, "Rashomon" was the name of the largest gate ("mon") in Kyoto, the ancient capital of Japan. According to historians, the gate was constructed in 786 AD when the capital of Japan was transferred to Kyoto. It stood 106 feet wide, 26 feet deep and its stone wall rose 75 feet high. With the decline of West Kyoto, the gate fell into bad repair, cracking, and crumbling in many places, and eventually became a hide out for thieves and robbers and a place for abandoning corpses.

Kurosawa's Rashomon submerses itself in this history as it's three main characters discuss the seemingly irrevocable decline of the human spirit into violence and moral chaos. While taking shelter from a torrential rain under the crumbling arches of the Rashomon gate, our three main characters, a monk, a thief and a woodcutter, wrestle with the incomprehensible meaning of a tale they have heard regarding the capture of the notorious Tajomaru the Bandit (Toshiro Mifune). The capture and subsequent trial involved the radically different recollections of four individuals, each of which prioritizes a different person and human vice as the cause of Tajomaru's downfall.

Although all the accounts agree that the episode involved Tajomaru's lust for a samurai's beautiful wife and his deception of the husband who is quickly tied up, the question of how and why the husband is later found dead remains a mystery as each of the witnesses points a finger in differing directions. According to the boastful Tajomaru, after willingly succumbing to his sexual prowess (!), the woman demanded he fight and kill the husband out of her shame of being looked upon by both men. According to the woman, Tajomaru flees after raping her in front of the husband. After she frees her husband she suggests, out of shame, that the husband kill. However, the cold glare of the unsympathetic and judgmental husband causes her to faint on the husband with the dagger in her hand. Alas, when she awakes she finds the husband dead with the dagger stuck in his chest, intimating that she may have stabbed him accidentally. Finally, through the creepy possession of a Shinto shaman, the dead samurai claims that after Tajomaru raped his wife, Tajomaru begged her to marry him. And yet her insistence that he must first kill her husband so shocks Tajomaru that he asked the samurai what he would have done with the wife. Realizing her fate, the wife flees and Tajomaru pursues her. In their absence the disgraced samurai takes his wife's dagger and commits suicide. As his life fades from him, he hears the approaching footsteps of someone who then removes the expensive dagger from his chest.

In the end, the woodcutter, sitting under the Rashomon is prodded by the monk and thief into admitting having seen the entire ordeal and then provides what the movie suggests is the most reliable version. According to the woodcutter... Well, I guess you'll have to see it if you want to know the ending. Let's just say that in the woodcutter's version, each character comes out looking even more depraved and pitiful than in the other three versions combined. Although the movie does attempt to end with a glimmer of hope through the monk's discovery of an orphaned infant and the woodcutter's selfless willingness to take the infant home and care for it, this glimmer is only dim gray at best against the rather dark human malaise permeating this tale.

Rashomon was remade by director Marin Ritt in 1964 as "Outrage" starring Paul Newman as the bandit (from Mexico), Claire Bloom as the woman he allegedly rapes, Laurence Harvey as her husband, and Edward G. Robinson as the narrator.

Placid Rodriguez reflects on the collateral effects of the India-US Nuclear agreement

Could the consummation of the India-US Nuclear agreement have collateral effect on India’s defence, space and agriculture programs. Yes, says Dr. Placid Rodriguez, former president of Indian Nuclear Society and ex Director of Indira Gandhi Centre for Atomic Research. And that too the externalities are likely to be negative.

His opinion on the collateral effects –

“My greatest reservation (about the deal) is that the strategic alliance between India and the US is going into agriculture because in the other three sectors (defence, space and nuclear) we are strong and we can go independently and we will go.

Our agricultural universities, state universities, ICAR (Indian Council of Agricultural Research) laboratories — they will be completely overwhelmed by giants like Monsanto whose resources are plenty and whose motivation is only monopoly.

We are in the market for 125 fighters (a multi-billion dollar business opportunity). In fact, we will not buy any reactor from the US for 20 years. We will be buying reactors from Russia and France. What the US wants is a monopoly in agriculture sector.”

His opinion on the Nuclear agreement –

“After all, IAEA is a 145-member body in which US is also a member. NSG is a group of 45 nations. So, it’s actually an agreement between two groups and the US is the strongest and most powerful member of the groups. What if the US President (after the safeguards agreement with IAEA and NSG) says that the decisions are governed by the Hyde Act which is ultimate.

We have to build new plant exclusively from the imported fuel materials and thereafter we have to give result of reprocessing and they will come back to us with decision after one year; it does not say that a favourable decision will be taken.”

Why should we disclose our internal secrets to those rascals?

MUST READ BY EVERY INDIAN

Nuclear Agreement between India - USA

There are lot of talks about 1 2 3 Agreement between India & USA and it
almost led to the topple of Central Government. In this mail I am trying
to explain the commercial & technical aspects relating to this Agreement
which I have read and sharing with you.

What is 123 Agreement?

This is called 123 Agreement because this comes under USA 's Atomic Power
Act Section 123.
Let's see how India 's (Indians?) Sovereinty & Independence are
pledged...

(1) After this Agreement USA will supply all fuel, machinery / equipment
& technology to India for producing Nuclear Power.

(2) All these days from about 22 Nuclear Power Plants, India is
producing power as well as Atom. It's a high security / secret that
from where which is produced, how much is produced, where it is
supplied, what research is being done with that, etc. to anybody. But
if we sign this Agreement, we have to disclose these secrets and also
agree to 14 of our Nuclear Power Plants to be under the scanner of
International Atomic Power Organisation.

(3) The fuel utilised to produce Atomic Power can be recycled for reuse
and this plant will be under direct supervision of IAPO.

If India does nuclear test, this agreement gets cancelled. But

(1) USA will take back all the machinery / equipments / technology
supplied to India thus far.

(2) Those 14 plants will continue to be under scanner irrespective of
the status of the agreement.

On the other hand, if any of the commitments given by USA is breached by
them, then there is no clause for cancelling this agreement.

The agreement is apparently like this... USA can either hug India or
slap India . India will not ask why are we hugged or why are we slapped.
On the other hand, India cannot hug or slap USA for breach of agreement.

This is only capsule so that easy to read and digest.

Subject: India Pledged.... Part 2

Requirement of Power

The most important requirement for India 's Economic Growth in the coming
years will be the power & infrastructure. The argument put forth
favouring the 123 Agreement says that we need Nuclear Power Production
to be increased to meet the demand.

Power Production in India

Presently following are the figures:

Thermal Power 66%

Hydel Power 26%

Solar & Wind Power 5% - Presently Rs.600 Crores are spent for producing
this power.

Nuclear Power 3% - If this is to be increased to 6%, it
requires additional Rs.50,000 Crores.

Naturally it will be wise to increase other 3 modes of power production
rather than the expensive & dangerous Nuclear Power. Isn't??

URANIUM

We used to import Uranium from various other countries. After the
Pokran Test, we are not getting it. To augment the supply, we need to
sign the 123 Agreement to get Uranium from USA . But we will have to
declare to USA from which power plant India takes raw material for
producing Atom Bomb. Why should we disclose our internal secrets to
those rascals ? Will any one allow an outsider to continuously monitor
what's happening in your Hall & Kitchen of your house? Other study
reveals that Uranium is available in India aplenty. Only hurdle is the
acquisition of land. To produce Atomic Power & Bomb in the next 40
years, the requirement of Uranium is 25,000 MT whereas the availability
is 78,000 MT across India .

PLUTONIUM

Presently 35% of Plutonium is used to produce Atomic Bombs. After
signing the Agreement, we will be allowed to use only 10%. Who are those
rascals to restrict the usage of our natural resource ? That is though
you are capable of cooking & eating 10 idlis as your breakfast, you are
allowed only 3 idlis henceforth. How can it be? Why should we accept
this?

THORIUM

As told by Dr.APJ, we have abundant Thorium. In fact we are the 2nd
largest producer of Thorium next only to Australia . India has to
explore this further for producing power. For your information, in
South India - particularly around Kanyakumari, the availability of
Thorium is abundant.

INDIA-IRAN-CHINA

USA does not like the amicable relationship between India-Iran and also
India-China. If India-China relationship gets stronger, then both these
can rule the Eastern Part of the Globe which USA wants to break as per
their divide & rule.

By signing this agreement, USA wants India to depend on it for producing
power which is going to be a crucial factor in future. There is a talk
of bringing Natural Gas from Iran to India with a big pipeline project.
USA doesn't like this proposal.

Atomic Power Technology

Whether power is produced or Bomb is produced, using Atomic power
without spoiling the infrastructure and without allowing the radiation
is always under threat. Moreover preserving the wastes coming out of
Atomic Power Plants is expensive & unsafe.

There was an accident in Three Miles Island in USA . To close this plant
nearly USD 200 Crores spent with tons & tons of concrete but yet to be
fully closed.

In an another accident at Soviet Union 's Serbia Plant, even the next
generation child are affected due to the radiation.

It will be very very expensive to defuse & close down an Atomic Power
Plant than its construction cost.

France

France has got 56 Nuclear Power stations producing 73% of the country's
total power requirement. They are catching up the problem of
eliminating the wastes / emissions from out of those plants at the same
time increase the power production capacity. Government of France is
now thinking how to reduce the power consumption in the country.

Conclusion

In view of the above danger, rather than signing the agreement and
pledging India to USA , it will be prudent to increase the Solar & Wind
Energy and more importantly Hyder Power Production can be increased by
linking all rivers across India and by constructing DAMS. (Ofcourse Dam
construction projects can be given to L&T's B&F Sector:-)

The whole process of this Agreement started in the year 2005 when
Manmohan visited USA . In a span of just 2 years a major decision of
signing this agreement has taken place with political motive. On the
contrary, neither this Government nor any other earlier Central
Government could not amend the Constitution thereby nationalise the
rivers across the country thereby effectively utilise the water
resources for both Agriculture purpose and producing Hydel Power. What
an irony?

Whenever someone is helping the needy, you can't expect the TERMS AND
CONDITIONS BETWEEN THE needy and the helper to be EQUAL??? BUT

(1) the helper's ulterior motive should be seen with broad eye because
he is capable of digging a grave behind you and

(2) better to be self-sufficient and explore new avenues with available
resources.

INDIA-CHINA-USA

India is very rich in Culture, follow Religions, Value Ethics, Level of
Education is Very Good.

China is also rich in Culture, follow Religion, better disciplined.

USA does not have Culture, does not have Ethics, only want power over
others. Particularly wants a firm footing in South Asia . Remember the
introduction EURO by European Countries and it is stronger than Dollar?
So their "DAL" cannot be boiled at " EUROPE ". They are trying in India
as already Pakistan is in their clutches.

Feedback

Above is only a capsule of information. It will be easy & better to
have an interactive session in a Hall with good auidence on topics such
as this.

Also look forward to your views on this subject

Cool meanings

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
***********

Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
***********

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
***********

Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
***********

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
***********

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
***********

Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
***********

Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
***********

Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********

Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********

Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
***********

Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********

Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
***********

Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********

Father:
A banker provided by nature.
***********

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
***********

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Famous Quotes about Wives

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette ******** When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry ******** After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi ******** By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates ******** Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas ******** The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud ******** I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous ******** "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henny Youngman ******** "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison ******** "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran ******** "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray ******** Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash ******** The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous ******** You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman ******** My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield ******** A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle ******** Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous ******** A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous ******** First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." ********